A sample of my film script

by Allen

Alright here's a sample of my film script. It's a part of the story that I like it to be its trailer so I decided to send you this Mr. Wright. And please tell me your real viewpoint about it, whatever good, bad or disappointing. Thank you.

DARK MOMENTS by Allen Nelson

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

Edward* is at home preparing for lunch, his usual favorite food, chicken grill with Brazilian salad. He could never let go of his stories so he's taking his lunch right on his working table and before eating any he checks out his last emails. Every time, everywhere in any situation he must has his writings right beside him. After that he goes checking on the last pages of his current story and drinks a little cold water to cool down his brain. As he is turning pages one after another, he figures that the house's space goes darker suddenly. Taking a look at the window to outside, he sees that a dark foggy air comes around as even the tree in the backyard can't be seen. Very odd, looks like that city has a very changeable weather."

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

Not much surprised.. Campbell* already told me it's normal here". He isn't wondering much of the air change. Taking a deep breath, he returns to the table to has his lunch but his phone rings. It's Alex*. Wondering if why she must has called him, he answers:" hello Alex?". Alex:" Oh thank god I was going crazy, are you ok Ed?". Alex sounds very nervous and excited. Edward gets curious to know what's the matter." Of course, hey what's wrong? Why are you sound so nervous?!". Alex:" Where are you Ed?". Edward:" I'm home, you know and I'm about to eat lunch". Alex:" Ed?!! It isn't a good time for joking". Edward didn't get it at all. He asks:" What do you mean?! I'm not joking I'm home". Alex:" Come on Ed, it isn't funny at all, where are you?". Edward:" Uh hey look, I'm home. Right in the hall, sitting on my chair behind the table to eat my lunch. Do you even know what are you talking about?!". But Alex isn't going to believe.

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

" Enough Ed you're scaring me as hell, tell me where you are". Edward:" Alex believe me or not I'm telling you, I'm at home... what's wrong with you? What's going on? Why are you so nervous?". Alex:" Okay, okay... listen Ed, I'm right in front of the house which you rented. Ed it burned in fire about an hour ago. I got here a few minutes ago, many cops and firefighters are here around, they even found a burned corpse in the house... huh. I thought it's you, it's completely burned. I was dying of anxiety until you answered your phone... now tell me where are you?". Edward didn't understand. He can't believe that she is right about what she said. He doesn't know to either laugh or be shocked. He is at home and everything is right in place." Ah.. ahah... Are you kidding me?! This... this is a joke because I'm right at home talking to you". Alex:" Ed please stop this, I'm not in a good mood for you to joke with me". She isn't going to believe him and also Edward." Ok, Alex you must believe me, I'm at home and everything is as normal as ever.

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

What you're talking about is so ridiculous". Alex:" Ed you're killing me with your fun game.. tell me where are you?". Edward:" I'm telling you I'm home, you better finish this fun game... let me know, are you trying to make a payback for all the times I scared you?". Alex:" Alright, Alright. I know it seems a bit crazy but for you to believe... I'm standing in your backyard right beside the tree, can you see me?". Edward walks to the back door and looks for her but sees nothing." Are you sure?! Cause I see...". Suddenly he sees an image coming through. Covered in dark, walking slowly." Oookay, that was a nice joking. You really frightened me." Alex:" Edward please, this isn't funny." Edward:" Are you still kidding me?! I'm watching you".

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

Alex:" Come on Ed, I see nothing but burned woods of your house." Edward is still watching the dark image getting closer and thinks that she's joking with him." Oh really?! But I'm watching you coming closer wearing your black coat with your blond hair just like fiction scary movies, huh that was nice." Alex unbelievably says:" Ed? I'm not wearing a black coat at all, it's a purple rainy coat and I'm standing not walking!". Edward looks more carefully and sees that the person who is getting closer to him is not holding a cell at all. Her hair is drown onto her face just like as someone has rubbed her hair with violence. Edward shocks. He feels like he's going to meet something scary." Alex?". Now he sounds excited." Now may you tell me where are you?". The ghost was walking to him like she's going to attack him in any moment. Edward answers:" Hell...". Suddenly she uncovers her face for him. A bloody face with eyes all white looking like her neck has been tore with something. Phone drops off his hand. He walks backwards. The ghost screams, Edward freezes. She jumps at him as quick as he can't run away. Edward scares as hell. She screams into his face. Edward tries to free himself to run. The ghost scratches his arms with her sharp nails. It hurts a lot. The pain on his right shoulder forces him to free himself and run. Edward runs back inside the house blindly. He can't think about anything but just getting away. He doesn't know where he's walking in cause he has his eyes locked on the ghost that is following him. Hitting with the table makes him fall on the ground. But before standing again he sees a dark stature before himself sitting on his chair. Slowly lifts his sight up. It has no looking like a man. It just looks like a burned corpse because its skin is burned like charcoal.

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

He can't move because of fear till the man looking like corpse turns its head to him. The only think he can see on its face is just the bulges of its nose and chicks. No eyes no mouth or emotion to be seen on its face. Edward can't stay in that situation anymore. He feels like it's looking at him! Scared more, he turns around running through the front door but accidentally he finds himself right in front of the mirror. But he sees his reflection different this time. Watching himself smirking like devil. He turns his sight away and runs out of the house but he freezes again cause of what getting on his way. That scary little girl. Looks up into his eyes with her full filled eyes of black says:" There's no escape for you". Edward loses himself. Doesn't know if he's dreaming a nightmare or what but the ghost screaming sound behind him makes him run immediately. Edward runs away into the fog getting away from those damn creatures haunting him. He can still hear her screaming so it makes him doesn't even look back but just running. After a long way running he turns back to make sure she's not following him, but in sudden he finds her right behind himself. She jumps at him screaming.

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

Edward: he's a renowned writer for his scary stories. But he has a doppelganger who is a serial killer and his scary mind is haunting him. So he decides to go on a vacation to free his mind but he finds himself among a nightmare of being hunted by the ghosts.
Alex: she's Edward's fiance and also she's the person who first accepted to entertain his stories. She is on her own vacation too, accidentally with Edward.

Campbell: he's the manager of a firm housing. He recommends the house to Edward. A house with a good atmosphere for writing, the place Edward finds himself trapped in it!

This is the story that I've chosen to be my first film script. I know it's very simple, it's just a prototype. Please tell me if it's good enough this way, needs to working on it more or change somethings about it. Guide me with your experiences Mr. Wright please. Thank you for your time.

Copyright 2014 by Allen Nelson

Comments for A sample of my film script

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Glad to hear so
by: Allen

Thank you very much Mr. Wright, you even gave me more joy to write. I'll keep writing

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A very entertaining start for your film script...keep writing!
by: Mr.Wright

Hi Allen,

Over the last few days, I read a sample of your writings and ideas for your film script.

I enjoyed reading your movie ideas. Everything was very interesting and entertaining. It makes me want to learn more, hear more, read more, and see more!

Keep going and keep writing and adding to your film script. You should keep writing until you get to at least 110 pages.

After writing 110 pages of your screenplay, you can then go back, make changes, and correct any mistakes you made.

Remember...my comments and my opinions are 100% honest. If I did not like your movie ideas, I would tell you now.

My only major advice is the following...

Allen, make sure you try to write using "screenplay format". This is only a friendly reminder.

If you are not sure how to write in screenplay format or you do not remember, just review my free and low cost online classes.

You can review my internet classes from the beginning or you can review just the following classes located here...

Review these online classes

The Top Film School
and
The 2 Day Film School

These two digital classes will help you see quick examples of film script writings using "screenplay format".

Or, start from the beginning

Film School Information

If you have any questions or comments, you can post them in each of the online classrooms located at the bottom of each page.

Allen, you will be very, very successful soon! Keep writing, learning, and moving forward.

With regards,
Mr. Wright

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